Wednesday, April 18, 2007
A welcome home joke !!!
A Jewish couple won 20 million dollars in the lottery. They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion estate in Southampton and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable. They then decided to have a butler and, wanting the best, they traveled to London to hire one. They found the perfect butler through an agency and brought him back to their estate. The day after his arrival, they instructed him to set up the dining room table for four, that they were inviting the Cohens to brunch. The couple then left the house to do some shopping. When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four. The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Bagels and the Knishes."
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Enjoy!!!
Gates Vs, GM - enjoy!
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affectionfor the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computerindustry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up withtechnology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:If GM haddeveloped technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars withthe following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You wouldhave to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shutoff the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.For some reason you would simply accept this!!
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause yourcar to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you outand refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive allover again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affectionfor the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computerindustry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up withtechnology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:If GM haddeveloped technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars withthe following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You wouldhave to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shutoff the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.For some reason you would simply accept this!!
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause yourcar to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you outand refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive allover again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Friday, April 6, 2007
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